The Mighty Haggis
You will have seen some strange creatures on the sausage page, but this one is the strangest of them all. We have managed to capture some of these delicious beasts and can offer to send them to you anywhere in the United Kingdom. Indeed, the Haggis makes an unusual and tasty gift at any time of the year.
But how do we capture them ?
Wearing only their kilts, these brave men get up at 3am every morning and disappear into the misty glens armed only with a bottle of the finest malt whisky and a large baton. Given the agility of the Haggis, and its evolutionary advantage in the limb department*, it would be a futile exercise to chase the beast around the hills. Fortunately, like many other creatures, the Haggis has a fondness for fine malt whiskies, and within minutes of sampling its favourite drink it is completely inebriated. The Haggis topples over and rolls to the bottom of the hill and at this point the Haggis-basher comes out of hiding and thumps it with his wooden baton. This may sound painful but the Haggis, by this time, feels nothing.
This method of capture is so successful that it is only due to the spectacular breeding abilities of the imported Italian Haggis (which would put many a proud rabbit to shame) that it still survives in such large numbers.
We can send a carefully-boxed and vacuum-packed haggis anywhere in the UK. We will also be happy to include a small gift dedication if required. We can offer four choices:
Small (approx 500g, for 1-2 people): £10
Medium (approx 900g, for 4-5 people): £15
Large (3 x approx 900g, for 12-15 people): £25
Vegetarian (approx 450g, for 1-2 people): £10
Full cooking instructions and recipe ideas are also enclosed. We can also provide catering size and Chieftain Haggis size for special events such as the Burns Supper. Please ask for bulk prices or special requests.
If you would like a more information or have special requests, just send an e-mail to sales@sausages.co.uk Or you can contact us directly by calling us on:
0131 557 0111
* The Haggis, genus [hag-gis scotus] and sub genus {pud-ding maximus}, was first observed by the eminent Victorian botanist, Sir Archibald McNumpty*. In one of his interminable travel journals for which he was both famed and reviled, he remarked that "...the sonsie wee beastie that Rabbie Burns did praise, is to be found roaming the heather unfettered. None would dare chase after it, as two legs are much shorter than the others, allowing it to circle round the mountain at great velocity." Sir Archibald's only other claim to fame was to have made a rather drunken pass at Her Majesty Queen Victoria during one of his stays at Balmoral.
* It is perhaps less well known, however, that Sir Archibald himself met a grisly end while pursuing the Haggis. On one particularly cold morning on a mountainside in Glen Futtock, and after a particularly late night, Sir Archibald decided to strengthen his mettle by drinking the malt whisky himself. With a terrifying inevitability, he rolled down the hill only to be greeted by the maniacal screams of the Queen's Royal Haggis Bashing Regiment, who proceeded to deliver Sir Archibald to a higher plane. All the servicemen were acquitted at the subsequent trial.
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